Tuesday, July 29, 2008



Today I have been contemplating change. While I will not say that I am horrible with change, I do have difficulty with it. There was a time in my life when change wouldn't faze me. I was young with a world of possibility in front of me. I was beholden to no one and could do as I please. Making a split second decision was easy, who would it effect besides me?


Ah, how times have changed. In place of youth I now have age, in place of spontaneity I now have a planned out agenda. Most importantly, instead of being beholden to no one, I am now beholden to a family. Change is not easy for me now, I have too much to worry over.


I am now at a crossroads. A job that once fit my needs is quickly becoming a burden that I cannot bear. Yet, finding a new job in this economy is not exactly piece of cake and I am scared of all that it will bring. My mind is addled with "what ifs" and fear of the unknown is just filling my stomach and squeezing my heart.

Life is what you make it, oh so they say but what if I make it a complete mess? Too many doubts linger where the shadows like to play and I'm left a marionette of their machinations.

1 comment:

holly said...

I found your videos on YouTube and came over to see your blog. Your words echo a sentiment that I, too, feel. I am trying to leave a very unsatisfying job behind, wish to move across the country and be closer to my biological father with whom I have recently been reunited, start anew, go on some new adventures. I hear you on the family front, the unwillingness for change, yet, needing it so much. Peace my friend. I think I will follow along in your journey.