I'm not trying to be you

Just trying to be me.

Days go by

Some days I feel like I can tackle anything. Other days I feel like a fraud. Today is one of those "other" days. I am mentally drained, all the time. My new job is in the administrative part of the medical field and it has taken me and rung me out. Creatively, I've been in the dumps. I realize that somewhat has to do with my lack of communication with Glen, who really was a cheerleader of the highest caliber. I can hear his response now in my ear, taunting me to take a leap of faith and leave it but I can't. We're in the middle of some heavy and uncertain economic times. A job, especially one that pays well and is close to home is a god send. I need to see those positive aspects and then move on with it.


But then, there is the creating and the fact that I haven't been doing much of it lately. I feel a bit lonely. Not in the, "I'm by myself" sort of way. Obviously with children and a husband I am anything but. I'm lonely because creating was a comforting companion. It was a something that calmed me, something that excited me, it was something that fulfilled me in a way that few could understand.

So, I've jump started myself. I decided to support two artist and take some online classes they were offering. (Side note: You know what I hate? I hate it when I read how certain people have never, "taken a class or read a book," to do art. Bull crap. You have to learn somewhere. Whether it be in a more traditional sense or an unorthodox manner, learning from someone else is a process that we go through It does not make us less original or less of an artist.)

I'm not doing everything to the letter. I have my own style and I kind of like it but it's nice to get another point of view that you might incorporate in your own process. Plus, it's nice to have a supportive community in which to share your accomplishments with.

On that note, that other blog? The one I keep saying I'm going to start but done? I think I might start it sometime this week. I'm not expert, that is for sure but I do believe that art is process of sharing so that you can grow beyond what you know. So, maybe I'll write some articles about creativity and techniques that I use and enjoy. The world is a road yet untraveled. Wonders never cease.

The world turns...

My job ends on the 31st. I admit both relief and anxiety are both warring inside of me. I will be going back to school briefly to gain some certificates in the field I am working in but with that, I am also expanding the possibilities of what could be artistically for me. The road is curving ahead and I cannot see where it goes.

I guess that is part of the journey itself.

A little help from my friends....

Snow Man - Glen C.
Have I mentioned how much I adore Glen? If you haven't read his blog yet, you should. Glen is a fine artist of *cough cough* years. He has done everything from portrait and sculpture to writing a novel. I always find him witty and insightful and perhaps you will too. (The above painting is one of my favorites)


http://amomoi.blogspot.com/

Summer days

It's already August and I feel as though summer is just slipping through my fingertips. I remember a conversion I had with my mother in which she said that once the kids started going through school, it will seem like time is just flying by. I want to freeze time right here. Where my children are young and full of inspiration. Where their world is safe because my husband and I say that it is. I want to see their excitement as they go over the hill of their first roller coaster and cringe when I find out that they want to do it again and again and again. Summer is going by way too quickly and I want the magic clock that makes it stop.

Crack it, crack it good...

I am in love with crackle. It lends such texture to a journal page. I believe my next youtube video will be a how-to on it.

Detailed

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Today I have been contemplating change. While I will not say that I am horrible with change, I do have difficulty with it. There was a time in my life when change wouldn't faze me. I was young with a world of possibility in front of me. I was beholden to no one and could do as I please. Making a split second decision was easy, who would it effect besides me?





Ah, how times have changed. In place of youth I now have age, in place of spontaneity I now have a planned out agenda. Most importantly, instead of being beholden to no one, I am now beholden to a family. Change is not easy for me now, I have too much to worry over.






I am now at a crossroads. A job that once fit my needs is quickly becoming a burden that I cannot bear. Yet, finding a new job in this economy is not exactly piece of cake and I am scared of all that it will bring. My mind is addled with "what ifs" and fear of the unknown is just filling my stomach and squeezing my heart.

Life is what you make it, oh so they say but what if I make it a complete mess? Too many doubts linger where the shadows like to play and I'm left a marionette of their machinations.

We are all connected.

Those who inhabit this planet are all connected. Something as small as a honeybee disappearing can put the rest of this earth's inhabitants in serious peril.

With all of that seriousness out of the way, how rockin' are these bees? Did you know that Bees when they find a good source of nectar come back to the hive and tell the others how to find it by creating a unique dance and performing it for them?

I'm not sure if they dance to hip hop but hey, one can dream, right?

Journaling when you don't have much free time..

Journaling has become very difficult for me these past few months. I always seem to have some crisis to advert, some knee to patch up or some bill that needs to be paid. (They're persistent little things, aren't they?) When I can finally sit down, I find my brain just not wanting to engage. It rather sit idle, waiting for sleep to set in.

I tried to break myself out of that mode by making it easy to journal when I did have time. In this I found a new way to unwind by preparing things for eventual journal entries. The added benefit to all of this was time spent with my husband. I would gather all of my supplies and place them on the kids old plastic table sit on the couch and work. He enjoys the fact that I am sitting with him and not whining about what he's watching (sport, blech)and I get to spend time with him and not have to whine about what he's watching (sports, double blech).





I bought a pallet of tube watercolors from Ocean State Job Lot (If you have one in your area, check it out, they have a decent small art section.) They are not the "best" quality but they come in a lovely array of colors and are suitable for working in a journal. I love running two colors together in big drips. Most of the time I do analogous colors as they appeal to me more (more about that can be found here).




I also found myself printing out a lot of my photography. I'm an amateur shutterbug with more pictures on my hard drive than I know what to do with, so why not use them as journal fodder?

I bought a package of 4x6 photo paper from the Dollar Tree. While the paper isn't the actual best quality (obviously, it cost $1) I find that it actually works with what I am doing. I don't do things glossy and perfect, I'm rather messy and matter-of-fact about things. So having pictures that look a little worn around the edges melds in with the rest of the page instead of sticking out like a sore thumb.

The left page by the by was done with Crayola crayons. They're colorful, cheap and you can buy yourself every single color you can imagine (and some that you can't). Everyone and I mean Everyone should have a box handy.






Another way i created backgrounds was with the Portfolio brand water-soluble oil pastels. I would place the color on where I wanted it and then take a finger to smudge it into the page. To avoid the sticky nature of the pastel, I would lightly brush over it with water and then wipe some of it away with a paper towel. Between the finger smudging and paper towel I was able to rid myself of a lot of that problem.




And can I say how much I love the Luminere paints? I bought this blue/green/gold color at Joann's Fabric and fell in love. They give this gorgeous sheen to the pages.




Anyway, that's it for now. Hopefully I will be back to my creative self in no time. ;D

I've got art around here somewhere....

So, I've been busy (my family is visiting for a week) Plus a lot of upheaval at my place of employment. (Someone want to give me a push in the artistic life direction? The damn paycheck is keeping me from realizing that goal.)

While I try to get my artist self back to former fighting glory, I insist, INSIST, that you check out my two friends. Both of them known in my real life. They can actually track me down and stalk me if they want. (A bit scary, I know.)

The first is my art guru mentor, Mr. C. He just opened up his new blog over at

http://amomoi.blogspot.com

If you want to get to know a working artist who has lived and learned and shares as if his life depended on it, then you need to go read his blog. Say hello! He'll be quite pleased if you did.


The second person on my must read list is my sweet little baby bear, (We shall call her BB for short) She is witty, hilarious and very, VERY sweet. She is the cream in my coffee or is that the coffee in my cinnamon flavored cream? (hahah)

Her blog is found at: http://lendmesumsugar.blogspot.com

So,go say hello, tell them I sent you and hopefully I'll be creative really soon!

Doodle, doodly do

I'm practicing a three quarter profile, what do you think?

Doodling

I am enjoying just creating simple colorful backgrounds with water soluble oil pastels and then drawing over them with graphite pencil. I did a glaze of white over their faces to create more definition and I do like the results. Being that I have 18 6x6 canvases coming my way, I might do a series like this.





Another thing that I was pleasantly surprised with was the journal I used for these past few drawings. Usually if I try to gesso a cheap or even an expensive lined journal, I find that the paper buckles and curls. But this journal that I got this past winter from a local dollar store has laid, flat, flat, flat which is FABULOUS (so glad I have another ten journals :P)

Contemplative

I'm retreating a little bit. I'm trying to find center. A number of opportunities have presented themselves to me and I am at a cross roads. In my usual nature of over analyzing everything, I'm hesitant to take a step forward. I have a husband who is supportive and wishes to propel me forward but I hold back. Why is that? Too practical, too critical, too much judging myself under the skin and into the heart.

I've been journaling a bit and pages seem to run into two color schemes. The first being blue and green, the second being blue and purple.




Now the first thing that I realize is that I am right now attracted to analogical color schemes. Which if you know a little about color theory, is a harmonious color association. So am I looking for harmony or am I becoming more harmonious?

The second being that the traditional views on color moods, the following can be said about my choices:

Blue: Blue represents peace, tranquility, calm, stability, harmony, unity, trust, truth, confidence, conservatism, security, cleanliness, order, loyalty, sky, water, cold, technology, and depression.

Blue can "slow the pulse rate, lower body temperature, and reduce appetite." Blue is considered a business color because it reflects reliability.


Green: Green, one of most-often cited favorite colors. It represents nature, environment, health, good luck, renewal, youth, vigor, spring, generosity, fertility, jealousy, inexperience, envy, misfortune.

"Its cool quality soothes, calms, and has great healing powers." It is often worn in operating rooms by surgeons.

Purple: Purple represents royalty, spirituality, nobility, ceremony, mystery, transformation, wisdom, enlightenment, cruelty, arrogance, mourning. Purple is considered an exotic color.


So where am I, I wonder.

Journaling or not?

A lot of what I do, I consider as just creating art. While there might be some message or feeling behind what I do, it is not always auto biographical. I feel safe showing it on here because what you see is more of what I enjoy to show. I love the visual journals of Traci Bunkers. (http://tracibunkers.blogspot.com/) They are very raw and honest pictures of her life. I admire her bravery of displaying them for the world to see and judge but it also brought to mind my philosophy on art journaling.

I like to think that I have an art journal, that is, that I enjoy creating art in a journal on a daily basis. It is a chronicle of my process and progress and a good coffee book when I am done! ;)

What I would like to have is a visual journal, to many of you there is no distinction but to me there is. A visual journal in my eyes is just that. A personal journal of your life that you express with more than just words. To me it is different in that the former is a chronicle of my artistic endeavors while the latter would be a chronicle of my life, my thoughts and my journey as a person. It's a bit more personal and makes me feel more vulnerable.

I am thinking on it, only because I am of the idea that it is important to have a heart outlet, a place to let it all out without fear of repercussions or judgment. A place to look back on and reflect and even learn from.


I enjoy sharing my art journals, they are part of my process but I believe I might have to keep a visual journal as well for the purpose of having a place to expel thoughts and feelings and then stick it under the bed for another day.

I haven't created a ATC in a long while. The size is perfect for doodling when you're really suppose to be working. You though, did not hear that from me.

Into The Woods

I've got no words today. Too tired, too worn, too much wishing that I could ciphen my children's energy, make it into a drink and get drunk off it.

Journey

Sometimes I feel I get so caught up in goals and destinations that I forget to experience and enjoy the journey that gets me there.

Work in Progress

There is a Gorilla siting in the back of my mind and it's patiently waiting for me to tempt it with a banana.

Peace is a work in progress. There are always bananas trying to make that other part of you want to come out and play.

Root Canal

There are a few things you should know about me. One is that I'm a stubborn mule, the second, that I have a very high threshold for pain. So keeping this in mind, it should be no surprise that I put myself in a very bad situation but not paying attention to my mouth when it began screaming in pain. Finally today I caved and went to the dentist, who then told me the dreaded news. I have a tooth abscess and in order to prevent future problems I would need a root canal to save the tooth.

"Um, okay... when do we start?" I ask hoping that next week would be the mark but knowing fully that it was not the case.

"No, we start now. I need to drill a hold into your tooth, take out the nerve and then clean out the infection." he replied with a sympathetic tone.


Yeah. Next time, I go at the first twinge of an annoyance. I can't believe I'm going to have to get one of those suckers. Blech.





I think many people need to remember that an art journal, is just that, a journal. If you're too busy wondering how other people are going to perceive your work or how you should edit it for online use, then you're doing it wrong. Share, yes but don't' over think it to the point of losing the purpose behind having one.

Motherhood

Someone asked me the other day what motherhood was like. I answered, "Motherhood is the knowledge that your heart no longer resides within but outside your body."

"Sounds scary," they mused.


Oh you don't know the half of it.

Mariposa

I've been contemplating my intuition. That nagging voice in the back of your head that tells you something isn't right, something is off, something is different. I listen to that voice quite a bit as it has never really been off the mark. I tend to pick up on the nuances of body language and inflection of voice. Perhaps that is what makes me good at reading people. I quietly analyze behind my defenses and wonder if this time I will be wrong.

I hate it when people change towards me. I rack my brains wondering what have I done wrong and pretend I don't notice.

I know this is old and most of you who visit have seen this on youtube but I'll place it here for posterity anyway.

Questionable

This is what I want.. to catch the whimsical -- that sweetness and elegance in being simple and bright. I want to capture translucent light that filters through gauze and the playful breeze that billows through trees. I want to hear my song sing itself in that way that only I can decode. I want to be female. Strong but soft, bold but subtle. I want to be succulent and warm to the touch. I want to be simple yet complicated, layered like a good plot in a book. I want to be something more, something else and yet be me.

I want to be this. Achieve it to be it is what I say but I hold back and I wait. I need to stop looking for the start gun to go off and just go.

I want my heart song... in gentle defiance of what people think it should be.

Dunce

From people that you work with that don't quite "get" it to 8 children who seem to have lost their way in the path of love and humanity, it seems that Albert Einstein just says it best.





I haven't been doing much lately. My daughter has the stomach flu, I've been sick as well and work is well hectic. I am working on a series of paintings for my daughters room. It will be fun to share those here. I've already begun cutting out butterflies for the first one.

Slump, slump, slump, slump

First because she said she is stalking me. I love you, Candace! Forgive my lame self for not contacting you. I'm an idiot. I am, I'm sorry. :\

I've been in a creative slump lately. This was my last youtube venture.

The Rabbit Hole

How far does the Rabbit hole go? As deep as the imagination allows.

Cathedrals

Circus Runaway

There are days where I would like to run away with the circus. Funny enough I never wanted to run away with them as a little girl. As an adult... well that seems to be a different story. :)


Detailed:

Ageless

March is almost upon us, which means that my birthday is coming up. 33. It seems like a blink of an eye and I'm past twenties and diving into my thirties. Do I feel different? With the occasional gray hair and perhaps an ache or pain that wasn't there before, no, not really. My mind still races as if I were 19 and in love with the world at times. When I look around, it seems like people think it is wrong to be how I am, that I should, "grow up."

I work, I help support my family, I cook, clean do laundry ... so why can't I dream? Aging is an evil trick of the body that the mind cannot comprehend. It still thinks it has eternity to be.

Dream Friends

This morning I decided to make myself a peppermint stick milkshake. Shhhhh, don't tell my kids.

Psuedo rule makers and art snobs

Those who can do. Those who can't criticize.
Suzi Blu: Art Journal Playshop With Suzi Blu: Rubber Stamp Letters

So, yesterday on youtube I just happen to follow a link to a person who professes to be sick of copy cat artists who follow pseudo gurus and I couldn't help but shake my head.

The comment was made in relation to Suziblu, whom if you have not seen one of her youtube videos is this woman trying to make it as a working artist and creates videos where she encourages people to create art/visual journals and helps them by giving them prompts and how-to's. She has grown quite popular in youtube land with her introduction to art journals garnering over 60,000 views.

So, what has this woman and the people who enjoy her videos done to deserve being labeled as copycats and pseudo guru's? Share their enthusiasm and positivity? Begin their own journey in the world of personal art for art's sake? Copy a few pointers as a starting point to discover their own style?


I find that people who feel like they need to define and coat things in a negative context are usually upset that someone blew up their spot. Did this woman claim that she created the concept of an art journal? No. Does she sit there and point fingers at other's and call them copycats? No. So what is it? What could possibly cause someone to get so upset over a person who put their feelings out there and in return received a lot of positive feedback?

Perhaps it is the fact that someone is being followed and recognized because they dared to put themselves out there and they were rewarded with a connection. Perhaps in the back of their mind they are saying to themselves, "Not fair! Why does she get the accolades, she's done nothing special, hasn't invented something new. Why is she getting the credit for it?" When what they really mean is, "That could be me, I can't believe I didn't think of it first, second or last. I can't believe I didn't do something, anything and in the end got rewarded with nothing."

Now it could be that this person really has no desire to do these things but if that is the case, then why rain on someone's parade? I just don't get the whole, You're not "legitimate" if you don't fit into the parameters of my own self-imposed rule book.

What is the purpose of my long windless rant? I guess that life is too short. If you're so "fed up" that certain people have adopted a style or laud a person for turning them on to something new, then here is a thought, ignore it and do what you like. Getting angry of things of little importance is like waiting for the start gun to go off in order to live your life. In the end it's a waste of time that could have been better spent doing something that makes you happy.

Inspiration

I got the most wonderful e-mail about a week ago from someone who viewed one of my youtube videos. It's nice to see that people are inspired by what I do and perhaps it encourages them to do it themselves. I cannot express enough how important it is to understand that there are things you do for yourself, not an audience and visual journaling is one of them. Pick up a pencil, pen, crayon, marker and just do something. One drawing leads to another, leads to a collage, leads to acrylic paints, leads to canvas and before you know it, you're wondering how in the world did you not express yourself artistically.

Here is a new journal page with a, "how I did it," youtube video to accompany it. I'm in the process of brainstorming a few other videos with the intention of encouraging others to journal. Well see how that pans out but until then, enjoy and please let me know what you think. I appreciate it all of your comments!

New Pages

Make ART!

Created this in response to Cheekychen's call to arms on youtube. Amazingly enough, with all the artists submitting videos of their artwork, there is no "Art" category on youtube. He's hoping to change that. View the short, short video below.